big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
