I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We need to rekindle our bromance
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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