how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize