id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
