Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
