I'm laying in your front yard are you home
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Randomize
