I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
