4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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