Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
