don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
