nut hugger
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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