just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
