I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
