girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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