I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
