I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
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I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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