you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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