Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
