I got chris browned last night
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
