well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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