I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
