Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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