She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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