Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How naked do you want me to be?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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