finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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