I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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