My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
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All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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