Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
