I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
