She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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