Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
