i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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