Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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