theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
