Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
