who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
