Moan for me like Helen Keller
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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