and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
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it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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