Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
