Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
