GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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