U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
