Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
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all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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