fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize