if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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