i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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