Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize