Im at strip club and am horny
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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