There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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