yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
