He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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