do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
