I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
