I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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