My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
