My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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