I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
