Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
