the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
