i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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