You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
